ashamed

Why do we get angry at our kids? Usually it's because they are not listening to us. Or they are listening to us but they aren't doing what we want them to do...or don't want them to do, as the case may be.

Then there's what my mom always called "sassy-mouth" or "backtalk," the snide remarks that reveal a disdain for parental authority.

And then there's "the look." The "oh-brother-there-she-goes-again-nag-nag" look. It says it all.
There's always that final something pushes any parent over the edge. Kids will do that! But sometimes we allow emotion to transcend reason and we lash out at this little offenders. Sometimes we say and do things we later regret.

I had one of those moments today. Since she has very little understanding of the clock and how it relates to certain events like departure, my four-year-old was engaging in her morning ritual of dilly-dallying. And the eight-year-old is freaking out because she thinks she's going to be late to school. And I had had enough. And so I engaged in, shall we say, inappropriate behavior. I won't get into specifics, but it's enough to say that I am usually counseling the girls not to use such actions to solve problems.

Psalm 4:4 and Ephesians 4:26 presents some simple advice to us in these situations. "In your anger, do not sin." It doesn't say "Feeling anger is sinful" or "being angry is wrong." It's what we do with that anger.

But sometimes the root cause of anger is steeped in uglieness. When I think now about what made me so angry about this morning's situation, I am ashamed. I wanted to be listened to, and I was angry that no one was listening to me. I wanted my child to do what I was asking, because I am in charge. I didn't want to be late for my volunteer work at the school because I didn't want the teacher to think I was a slacker. I was being dissed and I didn't like it. Who did that kid think she was?

Who do I think I am?

Who do you think you are?

I am a sinner and you are too. We really don't deserve special treatment, no matter who we are or what we've accomplished or how important our work is. That is the simple truth. At the end of the day, nothing elevates me over any other human being, even our own children. And that's were the anger comes in, right? That apparent disregard for our feelings, our authority, our whatever. We are faced with that simple truth. And it hurts.

But so does shame. And Lord knows I am ashamed of my behavior. I asked both girls for forgiveness, which they gave readily. "I love you, mommy!" said the four-year-old. "I need a Kleenex," said the eight-year-old.

Next time you are angry, ask yourself why. And get beyond the easy answers. Examine yourself and your expectations, and you probably find the answers in the ugliness of your own sin. That hurts, it does. But God is ready to forgive you. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done. That is the simple truth. He is ready to tell you how much He loves you.